Locked up and Locked down

Finland is just about opening up again. Schools were opened last week and restaurants open In one week. This doesn't mean the crisis would be at an end. Prisons in US still have More than strict restrictions, such as visiting blocks. Though There's something good In it as well. Last week I saw my loved one for the first time live, as She was able To send a video gram.

They're 30 second videos you can send to your loved one via Jpay, as long as you have the app. In Free's prison, the inmates can't send them, but because of the crisis, they made an exeption. Free was able To send a few videos. I had seen her photos and heard voice In our Phone call, but I hadn't seen her live yet. Now There's so much more to wait <3

Videograms is only a part of what is gong on in the CA prison system. While Alex was finally able to see me, it has been harder for my father and step mother who are used to spending a weekend a month wih me. It has now been three months since I have seen my father's face. We were permitted free phone calls to immediate family for awhile, provided free mother's day cards, and the companies that stand by us (Jpay and Global TelLink) have been suportive through these hard times. However, it is the actual prison that is slamming us down.

We were given 15 minute free phone calls to family memers only by Global TelLink, only for the prison to say we can only be on the phone for 10 minutes. Face masks have become permanent pieces of our required attire, and if we are within 6 feet on one another we may suffer penalies. Then, we were allowed in our unit only but as time went on they came up with further rules- only phone calls, showers, and kiosk or wash slot. But then it became you can only do things with up to 4 people at a time. Now it is one cell at a time, and we started out with 20 minutes of freedome (10 minute shower 10 minute call or kiosk time) to now 10 minutes out of our rooms total with only our cellmates.

The guards are struggling, as critical workers are no longer allowed out. They must clean and cook. As a resulf the conditions are getting more and more filthy and we are eating cold, packaged foods. This has made the guards bitter, and they are treating us worse and worse as time goes on. They are bitter due to their extra duties and are taking it out on us by ignoring essential needs such as picking up our trash or delivering mail in a timely fashion.

I was forced, along with every other imate, to take COVID testing. However, I had informed staff prior that I could not take the nasal test due to my deviated septum and past surgeries on my face. When the forced testing came all reasons were ignored and I suffered a tube being thrust up my nose and down my throat by a nurse who held me down as I bucked with pain.

Meanwhile my cardiac needs continue to be ignored. I was ordered to wear a halter cardiac monitor over 3 mnths ago, when the restrictions were first beginning. I never received that nor my echo cardiogram despite my worsening EKG and renewed symptoms.

I love Alex. He has been the support and motivation behind me continuing to push onward. My cellmate has already started showing signs of mental deterioration from the lockdown, however I have been in worse conditions since my childhood so I try to be strong for both of us. I know toomany suicides that occurred behind locked doors and will not crack as I must be strng for both of us to survive.

My family has bagan to answer m calls when I can, as they are only a few minutes now. However prior to the virus we rarely spke. Now I just call my father over and over just to say I love him. I want him to know in case it is our last time speaking.

CDCR stands for the California Department of Corrections and Rehabillitation. How can anyone correct themselves or rehabilitate in a locked room the size of an average closet???

Love, Free

Anxiety and distance

NOTICE: This post was written before the COVID-19 crisis broke out, so things were looking up. Now they look kind of bad, especially to inmate population. However, I'm keeping up the hope and so is Free.

Alex:

Free just had a chance of getting out, because of her state changing the laws about sentencing minors. Well, she was in a court, but didn't walk out just yet. Instead her sentence was reduced, so she'll be getting out in two years.

I'm kind of bummed and relieved at the same time. Bummed, because there was such a good chance of her going free. Relieved, because neither of us aren't necessarily ready. I don't have the resources of flying to the States just yet. Also, I'd have to meet her father, which is another story.

Well, anyway, I made the best of our situation, by starting a saving account for her and another one for my US trip. My goal is to meet her next year, though the goal may change and I need to send a visitors application form, which might not get approved. Well, just have to wait and see...

Anyway, I'm excited and kind of terrified about the future. But most of all, I'm inspired!

_______________________________________________________________________________

Free:

Going through prison at such a young age has impacted me. I fear getting out but feel I deserve it after serving so long. Don't get me wrong, I know I committed a crime and feel my sentence is fair, but at the same time I am not the kid that committed my crime. I am a woman now and feel ready to start my life over.

Alex and I have a struggle. Every day is hard. We live across the globe, struggle with mental illness and financial difficulties. But at the end of the day all we have is each other. Now we are more prepared to plan for the future. So from this court experience we can take that from it.

Anything can happen, at any time. Alex and I are working as a team to prepare for any scenerio that comes our way. Hopefully he can visit me, but if not we'll continue a long distance relationship until I can get to him.

God is watching over us.

Knock on wood...

I'm writing this, we're at the beginning of the crisis caused by the corona virus. Finland, as well as the rest of the world, is under martial law. Schools and public places, such as libraries and swimming halls are closed.

Whatever happens, this will cause an economic depression. This decade will be all about getting through that. What does the corona crisis have to do with my relationship? Everything. 

Prisons are closed as well. Yesterday, Free called me, just before the Phone were closed. Of course There's also the fact, that if the pandemic really breaks out and fills the hospitals, inmates are the last to get treated.

Especially, when Free has some health issues She can Tell more about. The most frustrating thing is, that I can do nothing for us, except pray and wait. Oh well. It will pass In few weeks. Knock on wood...  

-Alex

Being locked up with the corona virus pandemic has been hectic. We are locked down, with no visitors and I still have to go to work to clean. My job is brutal. For 11¢ an hour I scrub the unit with disinfectant and bleach.

I am exposed to the virus and other germs as inmates have already been rushed to the hospitals. I have a pacemaker and get sick easily, so the work and lockdown is scary. I already go to the hospital a lot and get locked in rooms where there are blood and feces, merely attached to a portable vital machine.

The corona virus is scary and killing people on the streets in the US. In the prisons it has created fear and choas. When will it end?

-Free

P.S: This post was written a couple of weeks ago, so the situation's only worse. The virus is in four units. So far, Free's unit is still OK. Only time will tell... -Alex

How I started dating a lifer

Hi there!

I hope you're as excited as I am about this new blog, where I want to tell a bit about the relationship between me and my girlfriend, who's a lifer in USA. She's eligible to pardon in a few years and I'll tell you everything about how we met and what we'll do. I'll tell you everything about how we met and came together and what's to come. Well, not everything, but hopefully enough to keep you engaged and inspired!

Anyway, I better introduce myself. My name is Alex Greenwood (which is a pen name from my actual Finnish name). I'm a writer and a filmmaker from Finland. A few years ago I started my own charity project to write inmates. It started simply, because I wanted to help inmates somehow, but didn't know how. Then I realized, that US has tons of sites dedicated solely for that. Some look like datesites, while others are just for friendships.

I picked a few inmates from a couple of sites and decided to write them. Most didn't write back, maybe just because it's hard and expensive to write overseas from behind bars. Anyway, one of the few people who did answer was Free (for her wish, I won't reveal her true identity).

Free is a lifer, who's done time since before she was fifteen. She will be eligible to parole in a few years. It was definitely a harsh decision to start relationship for both. Long distance and limited connection offers challenges you never even thought before starting it. It's a hard life. But the rewards are worth it. You appreciate each message, each phone call and each letter in a way you'd never do if you lived in 50 mile radius. And the hope, when we finally get together, is always present.

Stay tuned on this journey to see where it takes us! Hope you'll get inspired as well!

-Alex

Below is Free's own introduction, as we're writing the blog together. Me from my home in Finland and she from her prison cell in the US.

I am Free, Alex's girlfriend. I met him as a penpal, and we bonded quickly. I am non binary and bisexual, so after bing with women for years, meeting Alex was a breath of fresh air. I am gender fluid, and we grew close as I expressed my different sides and switches to him. We emailed after meeting via postal mail.

Writing overseas was hard via post. Inmates simply don't have the money for the postage. So I was happy when we got on email. It still was hard, but when Alex sent the stamps it got easier. As his situation improved, we were able to start talking on the phone. Now we are in contact of some kind almost every day or so.

I rely on Alex. Without him, I worked 8 hour shifts for 11¢ an hour even as a manager at my job. Now, with the world going nuts over the corona virus, I don't even get that. There are no jobs, no work, no pay. If it weren't for Alex I would go hungry and without showers. He buys my soap, deodorant, laundry soap, clothes, essentials that prison does not provide.

But more than anything, Alex is my emotional support. He is my rock when I have no one. He is a reminder that someone cares about me. He is my fiance, and I love him. Distance, in a way, does in fact make the heart grow fonder.

I hope you enjoy our blog. I write from a prison cell. This is reality. Love between continents and jailhouse limitations.